Archive for October, 2010
Cancer and chemo make me want to detoxify my body; for the most part, I’m only hungry for healthy foods and juice. It also makes me really want to run again, probably because I can’t. So, I’m going to take the running out of the race and do the things I can do. I walk every single morning, whether it’s around the block or up to a mile. I strap Maja onto my chest and we are silent for the next half hour or so. It provides a time for me to be with nature, observe the rest of the world, and to think about life. It’s a good time to meditate. [source]
In the late afternoon, I drove to Jones Beach and walked along the 4-mile boardwalk route at Field 6. As I began to walk, I was greeted by the cool, refreshing combination of sand and ocean water dancing just at the edge of my nose. Old, withered, wooden planks made so by decades of abuse now creaked slightly as a couple of female joggers ran by and an older man silently pedaled forward on his bicycle.
Out to my left is the ocean. I can barely make out the deep blue waves of the Atlantic smacking against the sandy shore. Couples and people walking alone on the beach are looking out and thinking- maybe regretting past decisions, maybe looking forward with hope to a brighter future…
Old buildings, erosion, faded letters on an outdated restrooms sign- an empty pool filled now with the waning echoes of children’s laughter and splashing water…all fading into the sunset. And then, at the end of the 2-mile turnaround point- a rickety beach fence laden with mementos, pictures, private messages and letter to mothers, grandmothers, daughters, granddaughters, nieces…sisters…people who fought bravely but lost their private battles, only to be remembered by the strangers who now look on wordlessly at the pink ribbons fluttering in the wind, stuffed animals, faded pieces of paper, posters and ziploc bags filled with dying leaves and flowers…
Looking at this wall suddenly makes me tear up as I think of what it felt like to almost lose my mother a couple of years ago- how it must feel to lose someone you love so much- and how it will feel one day to experience the pain and emotions associated with death.
I immediately turn away from the wall and start back the way I came. I realize that I must’ve been at the fence longer than I thought because as I turn to walk away, the sky has darkened to shades of purple, grey, blue and pink. Down by the ocean, the wind whips up, but if feels good to run.
I’m racing against time now.
Behind me, the sky is melting faster- disappearing. I can barely make out the boardwalk to my left. In the distance, miles down the beach, the lights at the end of the boardwalk resemble tiny stars.
I unzip my winter jacket in spite of the crisp autumn air and sprint home.
Oh, how I love love love sugar.
Whether it’s biting into that first piece of moist chocolate cake or nibbling on a crispy slice of pizza, we LOVE food. And unlike other animals, humans are the only ones who form an emotional connection to what they are eating.
The college kid who goes away to school for the first time and makes meatloaf because it reminds him of his mom’s cooking…
The jogger who downs an entire plate of fettuccine alfredo because she feels as though she has ‘earned it’…
The rainy day that makes us want to cuddle up with a cup of hot cocoa…
All of it feeds into the emotional relationship(s) we have with food. And while some of us are less attached than others to food; more often than not, this emotional back-and-forth with eating sometimes results in a cycle of depression, binge eating and eventually eating disorders.
When we eat in response to how we feel (i.e. happy, sad, depressed), we are more likely to eat the wrong kinds of food. Additionally, there is a higher probability that we’ll also be less apt to enjoy whatever it is we’re eating because we’re so preoccupied by what’s actually eating away at us inside. Therefore, in order to break the pattern of emotionally charged eating, we must first be able to identify the causes behind why we eat what we eat.